Prythi.

This year I want to talk about a question that arises on social media so often it finally came to fruition.

"Why isn't there a Straight Pride Parade?"

With no insult intended, the call for a Straight Pride Parade ultimately stems from a misunderstanding of the word "pride" itself as it pertains to the Pride movement that brings attention to Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Queer(ing) people, abbreviated as LGBTQ.  Let's take a look at the word "pride" for a potential solution of this communication problem.

A quick visit to dictionary.com shows us that the first definition of the word "pride" is "a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc."

I think this first definition is what many English speakers attach to the Pride movement.  And that's completely understandable - it is, after all, not only a common definition of the word in society but the first definition listed in the dictionary entry.  This first definition of the word "pride" is roughly interchangeable with arrogance, pompousness, a sense of superiority and so on.

Further, every human on this planet, myself included, falls prey to a sort of mental defense mechanism called confirmation bias.  With confirmation bias, when we have a belief about one thing (e.g. "Apples are delicious,") our brains tend to back that belief up whenever we see evidence of it ("Look!  That guy's eating an apple!  See, apples rock!") and ignore evidence to the contrary ("Why are apple sales down?  Those apple haters don't know shit!").

But before going too far down the psychology rabbit hole, let's get back to English.  The second definition of pride is "the state or feeling of being proud."  This is, by and large, a useless definition intended only to display the link between two types of a word - in this instance, a noun and an adjective.  So let's look at the third definition.  "A becoming or dignified sense of what is due to oneself or one's position or character; self-respect; self-esteem."  This is really interesting, semantically.  "Due" means "rightfully owed," not "given by handout."  The rent is due because you've been living in this apartment for a month and you owe me money for providing that for you.  Myself or my character is rightfully owed something.  Please keep that in mind as it will come up again soon.

The fourth and final definition of pride I want to look may tell us the most about this misunderstanding.  "The pleasure or satisfaction taken in something done by or belonging to oneself or believed to reflect credit upon oneself, e.g. civic pride."  We take pride in an honest day's work, in raising good children, in helping someone with no expect of reward in return.  We can walk with our heads held high based on the merits of our actions, especially in overcoming a particular challenge.  In fact, the word "pride" comes from the Viking word "prythi," meaning "bravery or courage."

Now let's apply what we know to the Pride movement and the Straight Pride Parade.

The Pride movement isn't related to the first definition of the word.  It isn't a pompous "looking down one's nose" at the "inferior masses" of straight people.  It isn't an arrogance or superiority complex about being gay.  If you attach the connotations of the first definition of pride to the Pride movement, that's ultimately your responsibility and the onus is on you to unlearn that so you can make an informed opinion.  No, it's not the best/clearest slogan out there, but neither are buffalo wings and we managed to sort that shit out.  Maybe your kid or best friend or sibling is LGBTQ and maybe they mean more to you than a basket of hot wings and deserve for you to parse through fact and fiction.

Instead, maybe the best definition of pride as it pertains to the Pride movement is a combination of the third definition, which equates with self-esteem and what one is justly owed by the world, and the fourth definition, which outlines a quiet sense of accomplishment for what one is or does.  I believe we're entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, which I read in this paper written by this guy.  Seemed pretty important.  I also believe we're entitled to a basic modicum of common courtesy, which a lot of us take for granted.  I believe the Pride movement is stating the LGBTQ community's pride in standing up for their right to life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness and basic human decency.  That right has long been denied them or tried to be taken from them.

Without getting too political, consider this for a minute.  We hold Supreme Court hearings to decide whether or not two consenting adults can marry.  Married couples - U.S. citizens - with adopted children who are also U.S. citizens are told that those children aren't valid additions to their families or the United States.  Someone holding the second-highest elected office in the nation has stood in support of abducting, indoctrinating and providing electroshock therapy to minors.  All of this because of which consenting adult (in the married couple's case) or which consenting similar-aged minor (in the minor's case) they find attractive.  We can love our country and still redress our grievances with its laws, and if I were one of those people affected, I would feel no joy in publicizing when my rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness were not being legally protected or duly given, but I would also feel no shame in doing so.

In fact, if I had the guts to say that to a federal government, or a society at large, I may feel a sense of self-esteem - a sense of pride.

So why didn't we have a Straight Pride Parade before now?  Because it takes no courage, no bravery, no prythi, to walk down the street being openly straight.  Large groups of a majority gay society have never petitioned a majority gay Supreme Court to forbid me from marrying my wife.  Religions formed around notions of homosexuality have never declared it punishable by law or by death if I'm found sleeping in the same bed as my wife.  The legal system has never tried to strip my nor my children's health benefits from my wife's company-based medical insurance.  Cops have never raided a straight bar and tried to arrest all the straight people in it for socializing with members of the opposite sex.  Nobody has ever advocated taking my children from my home to electroshock the straight out of them.

Nobody has ever strolled into a nightclub and killed almost 50 straight people because the shooter was afraid of straights.

Three years ago yesterday, 49 people were shot to death at The Pulse nightclub in Orlando by a man holding an irrational fear and hatred of them that was mostly based on their romantic and sexual orientations.  Not only was this a clear act of homophobia in general, but The Pulse was known as a gay or gay-friendly club.  It was already established in its community as a place where LGBTQs could go and dance and have a round and enjoy a night off of work, knowing that they didn't need to keep their guards up to protect themselves from the citizens or lawmakers who loudly called to deny their life, liberty and pursuit of happiness.

If LGBTQs came onto someone who wasn't interested, they didn't need to worry that that person would be waiting for them outside to kill them or beat them bloody and leave them for dead somewhere.  At The Pulse, they didn't need to fear that teenagers would demand they kiss each other for the teens' entertainment, then beat the shit out of them when they refused.  It was a place where their safety and their ability to be themselves was guaranteed.

Now.  LGBTQ youths whose families reject them for their sexual orientation are eight times more likely to attempt suicide than those who are accepted by their families.  Trans males are the most at-risk.  At The Pulse, those youths knew they were accepted and that they weren't alone.  I don't have proof, but it's not necessarily a huge stretch to imagine that some kids who had gone there over the years, scared of the taboos and attitudes towards gays, chose to keep living because they realized there were other people like them and that things can be okay for them.

My kids are aged 2 and 9.  In terms of their futures, we have no idea who they'll be yet, in any sense of the word.  Neither their careers nor their talents nor their tastes nor their personal lives.  However, should they be LGBTQs, they'll both be aware that their mother and I know there's nothing wrong with that and that we love them and they always have a home under our roof.  They'll know we accept them without hesitation.  They'll know that they'll have a support network in their family, in community organizations and in pro-LGBTQ places like The Pulse.  They'll know we'll fight for their equal rights.

And I'm not afraid of other people in my community feeling differently, because their kids have adults like me and my wife who know they're ok.  And I'm not afraid of other people in other communities feeling differently, because I'm not special or unique - there are people all over the world ready to stick up for the kids whose parents won't.

So, why is there no Straight Pride Parade?  I'm not proud to be straight - because it has never required bravery or courage on my part.  I'm not proud to be straight - because I was born getting everything rightfully owed me in the legal sense.  I'm not proud to be straight - because I've never needed somewhere like The Pulse, because families don't stop talking to straights like me when they figure out we're straight.

But I'll be proud of my kids for being LGBTQ if that's who they end up being.

And I'll be proud of yours too.