Music Awards 2009.

Employee of the Month

(Song of the Year)

Winner: 12 Rounds – “Shine On”

For a band that hasn’t properly released an album since the world thought Bill Clinton was a good husband, 12 Rounds has maintained a cult following like few other groups in Western civilization. The now-married duo of Claudia Sarne and Atticus Ross make dark trip-hop to give Portishead a run for its money and “Shine On” is their first new song since their contribution of “Just Another Day” to 2001’s The Princess and the Warrior soundtrack. It’s haunting and beautiful and everything 12 Rounds should be and more.

Runner-up: Massive Attack – “Splitting the Atom”

First new Massive Attack in seven years? Sweet, sweet ass. “Atom” rides one straight groove for the better part of five minutes while all three of Massive Attack’s masterminds creep and croon over it. It is constant, groove-happy and full of a drunken haze.

2^nd Runner-up: Thom Yorke – “Hearing Damage”

Following his solo debut The Eraser in 2006, Thom Yorke released the Spitting Feathers EP, containing several b-sides and an extended version of a track or two. Then came Radiohead’sIn Rainbows and utter silence for over a year. This year, Thom resurfaced with the 45 of “Feeling Pulled Apart by Horses” and “The Hollow Earth” and a song for the New Moonsoundtrack, “Hearing Damage.” It sticks with his trend of cold electronics and pedestrian phrases-turned-lyrics and, as always, amazes.

Back from the Dead: The Zombie Award

(Don't Call it a Comeback)

Winner: Alice in Chains – Black Gives Way to Blue

Yes yes, there’s no Layne – get over it. The more-than-able Jerry Cantrell has always written great music and BGWtB proves that he’s not stopping. Back with the rest of the AiC team and a newcomer to sing lead, tracks like “A Looking in View” and “All Secrets Known” are worthy additions to the Alice catalog. Sure, it’ll never be the same without Layne Stayley on vocals, but this is about the best we could hope for without him.

Runner-up: Green Day – 21^st Century Breakdown

I know I’m a sucker for conept albums, but the songwriting and production on Green Day’s post-Dubya romance record are undoubtedly cool, as is the psychobilly and old Western influence. Taking a cue perhaps from Koffin Kats or Captain Clegg, tracks like “Peacemaker” and “Little Girl” raise a tattered, burnt flag claiming the boys from Oakland still know how to pen a record – even if it means a radical departure from anything they’ve ever done.

Licensed to Ill

(Soundtrack of the Year)

Winner: The Twilight Saga: New Moon

Effeminate sparkly vampires?! Have I lost my standing in Team Blade/Castlevania/Dracula (read: good vampire entertainment)?! Even though my indie-cred ex-friends are reading this and laughing their asses off, all I can say is this: Thom Yorke; Black Rebel Motorcycle Club; Muse; OK Go and Death Cab for Cutie are strewn across an hour of aural goodness and sutured together by Lykke Li, Sea Wolf, Bon Iver & St. Vincent and The Editors. Even the people I’d never heard of I loved; I think the only borderline-weak link in the album is The Killers, which is still decent at its worst, and Alexandre Desplat’s one-off from the score is a touching piano piece. Thumbs up, Twilight people – now let’s just get that damn glitter off the characters.

Runner-up: Where the Wild Things Are

I don’t know much about Karen O, besides she likes using simple and repeated lyrics in The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, which usually comes out pretty cool. When I sat through Where the Wild Things Are and heard her score throughout, I thought it was brilliant. So full of life and youth, joy and pain, I can’t help but feel like a kid again with all the handclaps and shouting.

Annual Employee Pot-Luck

(Collaboration of the Year)

Winner: The Dead Weather – Horehound

I haven’t been this impressed with Jack White since De Stijl. Working with Allison Mosshart of The Kills, they put out a completely badass, take-no-prisoners rock and blues album. From the old Hendrix-style riffs of “60 Feet Tall” to the minimal trudging of “Will There Be Enough Water?” and from the big ‘70s-era keyboards on “I Cut Like a Buffalo” to the relentless Zeppelin-influenced “Treat Me Like Your Mother,” Horehound doesn’t fuck around – pun intended.

Runner-up: Them Crooked Vultures – S/T

Dave Grohl back on the skins? Check. John Paul Jones on bass? Check. A little too much Josh Homme? Check. These three ingredients give the world a near-perfect pick for collaboration 2009. Damn fine songs, 90% of them, but “Mind Eraser No Chaser” and “Dead End Friends” sound like QotSA b-sides. Let’s hope album 2 comes with more Jones/Grohl flair.

Honorable Mentions

(Honorable Mentions)

Before I dole out my pick for Juiciest Brains of 2009, I’d like to give extra thumbs-up and nods to N.A.S.A.’s Call of Apollo for having the Handsome Boy Modeling School-esque balls of teaming up Ol’ Dirty Bastard, Fatlip, Karen O, Tom Waits, Del tha Funkee Homosapien, Cool Kids and George Clinton on the same record. Also to The XX’s XX / Self-Titled for being an amazing breakthrough and experiment in near-minimalist badassery, to Psyclon Nine’s We the Fallen for proving that old-school industrial isn’t dead, to Metal Blade’s re-issue of The Ocean’s 2004 debut LP Fluxion for pushing the boundaries in fusing post-rock and metal, and to Saxon Shore’s It Doesn’t Matter for their constant excellence in the field of post-rock. They all definitely deserve a listen.

Juiciest Brains

(Album of the Year)

Winner: The Horrors – Primary Colours

Holy crap, how good is this album?! The old-school Britrock and sheer M83-like productionalone propelled it to the top of my list this year and the songwriting and utter fun of it cemented it in the top spot. What a catch, what a play, what a game.

Runner-up: The Mars Volta – Octahedron

Despite the endless compost heaps of shit Cedric and Omar take from critics around the globe for their machine-gun epileptic sound, self-indulgent experimentation and near-Dadaist lyrics, the boys managed to turn out an all-killer, no-filler album this year. Perhaps learning a lesson from the mixed reviews they received for sophomore release Frances the Mute’s extended sound captures and live album Scab Dates’s fifteen-minute noise jams, Octahedronis just eight songs, 50 minutes. It’s as concise and catchy as anything they’ve done in recent memory and may be their best album since their 2003 debut, De-Loused in the Comatorium. Here’s hoping a follow-up comes soon and similar.

Bratville von Cheeseburgeren.

Y'know, usually I think my dreams are completely useless. I go to sleep next to my wife, I dream of chasing puppies through the house or being in the mafia. I wake up and I think "Well that was fun; time to go to work."

Then, last night, all that changed.

Last night I dreamt I was a regular at a busy greasy spoon in a rural town. I would go in and eat various breakfast foods (this, a by-product of Kristy's excitement that I've recently been risking eating breakfast, which usually doesn't agree with me), then leave, then be back in the diner for more. Suddenly, one trip I saw something I really didn't recognize.

"Hmm. Sausage/Egg Biscuit, Super Deluxe Breakfast, Steak and Eggs...wait a minute...what the hell?"

I blinked.

"'Bratville von Cheeseburgeren' with 'Bacon or Mushrooms'? Can I get it with both?"

Moments later, as time so quickly happens in dreams, I was served.

It looked like two sausage patties, but bratwurst, with three kinds of cheese, two slices of bacon and sauteed mushrooms on a hamburger bun. Or maybe it was on a biscuit. I don't remember. Either way, best food idea ever.

One of my best entrees came to me after staring blankly at a bottle of peanut sauce in a Wal-Mart for 15 minutes. It included seared ahi, paper-thin slices of watermelon, shrimp, fried shrimp tails, and a side of rice and mushrooms. Another, a sausage-and-peppers dish with provolone and Roma tomatoes (and tequila) was born from watching GoodFellas.

At the end of the day, whether your cooking delicacies are epiphanies whose geneses were mobster movies, dreams or random innovation, I plan on starting a family cookbook one of these days and I now have my first breakfast item.

Track Review: Massive Attack - "Splitting the Atom."

This is fun. I like new song reviews.

So it's been how many years since Massive Attack's 100th Window came out? Five? Six? Too many, that's how many. It was met with mixed reviews, never quite reaching the level of praise and worship as their third album, Mezzanine. Even still, these trip-hop masters have soldiered on and in 2006 released Collected, a two-disc a- and b-sides collection, featuring two new songs, "Live with Me" and "False Flags."

However, rumblings of a new album have been heard for years - in fact it was first thought that "Live with Me" and "False Flags" were the first two singles for this fifth release. After multiple delays, it seems the Heinz ketchup people were right and the best things do in fact come to those who wait.

Yesterday on Radio 1, Zane Lowe debuted "Splitting the Atom," from Massive Attack's upcoming EP, set for release this fall. "Atom" is a work of pure genius. The simple four-on-the-floor drumbeat alternates between a kick (or double-kick, depending on the bar) and a hand-clap and snare. Deeper swells rise from the abyss and spectral background vocals by Robert "3D" Del Naja accent the seething verses by Daddy G and smooth, if dismal, choruses by Horace Andy.

The real star of this show, however, is the keyboard. It sounds incredibly old, like old Dracula movie old, but it's heavy on the upbeat and almost dub-like. It lends so much texture and soul to "Splitting the Atom" it would be impossible without it. The song rocks for nearly six minutes, and rides a slow, unchanging groove like "Protection," though it slowly, gradually picks up the background instruments to impose on the earlier steady groove fiercely and in a way only Massive Attack can.

If this is on the EP (I think due Oct) that didn't quite make the full album (due Feb 2010), Massive Attack's 2010 release could be the best album of next year. Find "Splitting the Atom" online and stream or download it as soon as you can; it's one of the best songs I've heard this year.

For fans of Gorillaz, Portishead, Tricky.

Track Review: Radiohead - "These Are My Twisted Words."

England's arguably second biggest band, Radiohead, are most lately known for pioneering the "tip jar" method of paying for an .mp3 download of their latest LP, In Rainbows in October 2007. It's said to have been a great success, and not to be estranged of the ever-(d)evolving music distribution system brought on by high-speed internet and crumbling record labels, a brand new song by the quintet from Oxford eaked onto the internet a couple days ago, just a week following "Harry Patch (In Memory Of)," their stringy tribute to England's last surviving World War I veteran, who passed away very recently.

The first new Radiohead song in nigh on two years starts with a lurching final part of a guitar chord and slow, sexy drums...at least for about four seconds before the song kicks into its 120bpm+ groove.

Phil Selway's quick, riding high-hat-and-snare drumline will sound right at home to fans of "Twisted Words"'s closest comparable relative, 2007's "Weird Fishes/Arpeggi." If you're running in the morning, or driving along a forgiving highway on a warm, bright day, Phil has your mood captured and this track should be first on your iPod playlist. Lead guitarist Jonny Greenwood meanders between a handful of chords he picks a string at a time after some early strumming, leaving the listener with a feeling of anxiety and unease as his brother Colin plucks a fuzzy, jerky progression that complements the other instruments nicely. Sometimes it drives, sometimes it rides passenger, but it always stakes its claim in the production.

This bizarre jam plods along to varying emotive effect for over two and a half minutes before Thom Yorke gently broods "These are my twisted words" and a few other despondent, satirically-pedestrian lines that have become his trademark since 1995, with enough reverb backing them to make any indie fanboy happy.

"When are you coming back? I just can't handle it," Yorke shudders out as the brothers Greenwood back him with a steady tenacity, Selway's metronome percussion providing a welcome backbone to the new piece.

It ends as abruptly as it begins, without ever reaching a crescendo, a finale, a point, or whatever you're looking for. Much like their Amnesiac b-side "Cuttooth," "These Are my Twisted Words" manages to ride a pleasing, solid groove for over five minutes and leave you with the kind of satisfied feeling you'd expect after eating a modest dinner you've prepared yourself. It doesn't climax and explode like "How to Disappear Completely" or "Life in a Glasshouse," but one of the most intriguing things to me about 2007's In Rainbows (and this new track) was how simply enjoyable and pleasant the whole album was without Kid A's minimalism or OK Computer's utter portending apocalypse.

Nobody knows for sure what this song is leading up to, if anything. Radiohead have toyed at the idea of releasing three or four songs together physically and/or online as little EP releases lately in interviews, and it's been said that Thom Yorke will be contributing a song to the newTwilight movie, not to mention the cryptic message and August 17 release date mentioned in a .nfo file accompanying the leaked .mp3 that brought this song to the world, but I for one am thrilled to have it to listen to, sing along with and casually throw onto future mixtapes.

Grammar School (Lesson Two).

I feel good about combining two lessons of contraction/possessive mix-ups into one blog today, so let's do it.

Your is what we say when we imply that something belongs to you. "Now I wanna be your dog." This is one of the simplest words in the English language, and is in a singular AND plural third-person possessive pronoun form. You may ask me "Is this your blog?" or exclaim to my fiance and I, "We're looking forward to your wedding." Sadly, this latter form is giving way to the Midwestern "your guys's" and the Southern variation, "y'all's."

The other spelling, you're, is how we shorten you are. If we wish to say, "You're one to talk," it's never spelled your.

Other examples include "What is it you think you're doing?" and "Is this yours?"

"You're the worst boss I've ever had."

"I've kidnapped your Dunny and I demand the ransom."

"What are your thoughts on The Virgin Suicides?"

"You're the worst phone company I've ever seen."

The other jumbling is its vs. it's.

If you hadn't noticed the pattern of you're and they're, you may by now have guessed how the contraction of "it is" will play out. It's is used with an apostrophe only when shortening "it is" or "it has," and never when a genderless person or object owns something else. "It's gonna be a hot one today." "It's been a hard day's night."

On the other hand, if an inanimate or genderless object is in possession of something, the singular third-person possessive pronoun is its - WITHOUT an apostrophe. "Remember my blue shirt? Its third button fell off." "It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again."

"It's a joke. It's all a joke."

"That snowblower is on its last legs."

Grammar School (Lesson One).

I read my share of e-mails, blogs, letters, posted notices and the like, and just between us, the grammar in this country is beginning to resemble something cavemen would use, or pick out of their shower drain if, in fact, they'd discovered how to irrigate water or run pipeline.

So, while I'm researching new topics about which to write, I'm just going to trot along here and help the entirety of my readership function more aptly as communicative human beings. I think I'll just take grammatical errors I see in my everyday life and point out their errors, explain how they err, illustrate the proper method and correct it. It's my little part in helping the human race get a little smarter instead of a little dumber.

The first lesson is to learn how to differentiate between "there," "their" and "they're." It may sound easy to you, but you have no idea how many people confuse them.

There is an adverb (a word that describes an action) usually implying a destination away from oneself, among other things. For example, in its most common definition, one might say "I think the napalm is over there" or "There aren't enough bottles of whiskey in this town for the both of us."

It is ONLY used to describe a physical destination, even if a vague one. One never writes "This is there problem" or "There going to kill us all!"

Their is a pronoun (a word that describes a person, place or thing) implying multiple parties' ownership of an object. "Is this their zombie?" "Yes, this zombie belongs to both of them - it is theirs."

It is absolutely NOT used as a substitute when one wishes to avoid the effort of saying "his or her." For example, "Jonny Lupsha has just updated their Facebook status!" This is wrong. It's just...bloody...wrong. There aren't two of me, and if there were we surely wouldn't share a Facebook status, as one of me would be in playing video games and the other would be at work cursing losing that video game / work coin toss. So we instead say "Jonny Lupsha has just updated his or her Facebook status!' or "his/her Facebook status!" If you like, you can say "her or his," but I find "his or her" rolls off the tongue more fluidly.

Finally, they're. When spelled "they're," they're is a contraction (shortened word) meaning "they are." This is most commonly mistaken with their, and I cannot stress enough how important their separation is. "They're" means "they are," and "their" indicates what group of people something belongs to. One writes, "They're the worst '60s revivalist group I've ever heard!" or "I don't care what they're doing; get them off my horse!"

We never, EVER write "This is they're lightsaber," or "What's they're phone number?" Every time you mix "their" and "they're," your favorite messiah cries.

More to come with every grievance I feel like filing.

Octahedron.

1. Since We've Been Wrong - 7m20s

2. Teflon - 5m04s

3. Halo of Nembutals - 5m30s

4. With Twilight as my Guide - 7m52s

5. Cotopaxi - 3m38s

6. Desperate Graves - 4m56s

7. Copernicus - 7m22s

8. Luciforms - 8m21s

I imagine somehow that, for the rest of my life, there will not be another 18-month period in which I don't find myself getting excited about a new album release by The Mars Volta. They've released progressive-rock opuses flavored with salsa influences in 2003, 2005, 2006 and 2008, and the 23rd of June, 2009 will see the release of their fifth album, 'Octahedron,' of which I'm pleased to have heard and written a full review. Before all that, the band's enigmatic history and musical style begs retelling.

The Mars Volta centers around (and was formed by) Cedric Bixlar-Zavala and Omar Rodriguez-Lopez, former vocalist and guitarist for At the Drive-In, respectively. Their debut album, 'De-Loused in the Comatorium,' seems to be a concept record about a friend of the band, Julio Venegas, who experienced a brief coma. It features bass guitar work by Flea of the Red Hot Chili Peppers and some of the first of Zavala's trademark labyrinthine vocals and Lopez's lightning-fast, brilliant guitar work. Its follow-up, 2005's 'Frances the Mute,' is another concept album whose meaning is still debated on Mars Volta message boards and forums. Some say it's about the Catholic church covering up a pregnancy in its congregation (or one of its convents), others declare it a murder mystery about a promiscuous single mother.

It was by the time 'Frances' was being heatedly debated that I realized just the kind of cult following Mars Volta has. This isn't Green Day, who everybody on Earth knows and maybe has a copy of 'Dookie' or 'American Idiot.' No, this is a band with devoted fans, challenging, arcane albums and a real love-them-or-hate-them notoriety.

Following 'Frances,' the band released 'Amputechture' and 'The Bedlam in Goliath,' the latter a semi-true story about an antique Ouija board Lopez bought Zavala in Jerusalem while touring for 'Amputechture.' While promoting 'Bedlam,' the band said that after its procurement, they started feeling cursed by random misfortunes that would happen seemingly without warning: key members of their band and crew would quit mid-tour, leaving Lopez and Zavala to scramble for a replacement; master audio files of completed performances for 'Goliath' would vanish off their studio computers; and whenever they tried to use the artifact to talk to spirits, it unfolded a love-triangle melodrama to them involving pregnancy, betrayal and death. Goliath's "Wax Simulacra" won a Grammy in 2008, and it is much deserved.

A typical Zavala lyric will consist of juxtaposed metaphors laced over 1970s-style epic rock poetry. In the 'Bedlam' song "Cavalettas," Zavala screams "Primordial cymatics giving birth into reverse / cerated mare ephemera undo her mother's curse." Lopez's orchestration of the band's music will often contain two to four time signatures per song, sometimes switching back and forth between them at every juncture of a track. Their shortest true song, "Son et Lumiere," introduces 'De-Loused in the Comatorium' at just around 90 seconds. Their longest studio song, 'Cassandra Gemini,' breaks 32 minutes. They're one of the most unique bands I've heard without breaking the barrier of being complex and challenging just to be called complex and challenging. Nearly every time signature change, borderline-Dada lyric, machine-gun drum progression and song structure somehow fall into place, making about as much sense during, yet leaving the audience with as much sense of reward and resolution afterwards, as a David Lynch movie.

The first 'Octahedron' track to escape to the masses was its first UK single, "Cotopaxi."

Cotopaxi is a volcano in Ecuador.

Clocking in at a brief 3m39s, it's about as energetic, rapid-fire and radio-friendly as The Mars Volta has been in the last few years. A recording of a radio broadcast satiated fans until a proper rip of a promo CD sent to radio stations surfaced a week or two later.

The next track we snagged is the album's opener, "Since We've Been Wrong." "Wrong" opens with 90 seconds of quiet, growing synthesizers that culminate in a Zeppelinesque acoustic guitar and Zavala's warm, bluesy vocals with a clean electric guitar gliding in the background. It's not until over five minutes in the entire band kicks in, with drummer Thomas Pridgen slapping us in the face with his full, slow percussion that helps solidify the 3/4 time signature until the song retires at over seven minutes.

You know how you go to see a band live, and maybe you're familiar with a good deal of their singles and big songs but not necessarily every track on every album? For me it was Cake, last week when I saw them at DC's 9:30 Club. I really, really knew about 7 or 8 of their songs really well but was mostly going because my fiance and cousin love them and are fanatics. I found myself asking them, after the show, "What was that song, where he was saying 'We're building a religion'? 'Cuz I gotta get that fucking song." It was "Comfort Eagle," but that's besides the point. If you were a casual Mars Volta fan, if such a thing exists, "Teflon" is the song you'd hear them play at a show and maybe you talk through it with your friends about how drunk you are, or the ride home, or how cool it is to see the band live, or what that guy's afro looks like, but then when it ends you turn to your friend and say "Hey...what was the name of that song? I might have to maybe kinda pick up the album that's on." It's mid-tempo, it's easy to listen to and not incredibly as technical or bizarre as their other work but still deserves some real respect. In the chorus, Zavala sings "Let the wheels burn, let the wheels burn / Stack the tires to the neck with a body inside."

Following that is "Halo of Nembutals." I don't know what "Nembutals" are. It took me a while to learn what some of their other song titles were, like "Agadez" and "Askepios," but by the time "Halo" settles into its solid 3/4 groove and deeply infectious chorus, does it really matter? This, and "Teflon," lead nicely into "With Twilight as my Guide."

"Twilight" is a quiet, steady acoustic piece with a long outro by keyboardist Isaiah Ikey Owens. "Twilight," in context with the other songs, anchors 'Octahedron' in straightforward, almost-predictable-but-not-in-a-bad-way structure, progression and pace. It's as easy and smooth as Pink Floyd's "Is There Anybody Out There?"

"Desperate Graves," which follows "Cotopaxi," gave me a clear taste of 'Octahedron's' quality bass work by Juan Alderete, who joined the band in 2003. The song itself is good, but not as ear-catching as others on the record. Long-time Volta fans may be reminded of the tone of 'Amputechture''s briefest outing, "Vermicide" - it's nice and mid-tempo, rocks during the chorus and relents for the verse, leaves a good taste in the mouth but isn't exactly legendary. Pridgen's drum work here is fantastic, especially in the choruses.

Then there's "Copernicus," the only song on the album that necessitates being taken with a grain of salt. It deceptively starts like some of the other relaxed songs on this album, two normal verses and choruses, and suddenly onslaughts with an awkward electronic drumbeat for a bizarre minute. The first four minutes of slow clean guitar and Zavala's gentle crooning carry the first half, and the skittering programmed percussion reminds us of Nine Inch Nails's 2007 release, 'Year Zero' before vanishing and being replaced by Owens' talent for the last several minutes. It takes some growing, but I'm glad to hear it.

'Octahedron' closes with "Luciforms," which has some stiff competition to me - I thought of three of their four previous closing tracks as just what the doctor ordered. 'De-Loused' had "Take the Veil Cerpin Taxt," which finds its way onto about half the mixtapes I construct for my friends. 'Frances the Mute' had the 32-minute opus "Cassandra Gemini," which blows my mind every time I have a half-hour to devote to it. 'The Bedlam in Goliath' ends with "Conjugal Burns," a six-minute attack on the Ouija board that cursed the band (including a two-minute noise jam that culminates in one last chorus that returns to slice your fucking head off).

"Luciforms" rocks your socks. The entire band sounds right at home with everything they're doing and have the chance to really shine. Like many tracks on this album, "Luciforms" disguises itself as straightforward and plain for the majority and ends (for 3 minutes) with a powerful jam by all five musicians.

If your friends were just getting into The Mars Volta, this is the album to which you'd introduce them. It's not as hard, challenging and esoteric as some of their other work but showcases all the talent and quirky brilliance that is often exhibited by the band. Get it, and get it ASAP.